Surprise Weekends - BFFs grow apart sometimes...

I was 11 years old. My age-group was going through puberty. Girls were getting taller and curvier. Boys were dealing with weird patches of facial hair and voice break.

I was growing vertically due to puberty and horizontally courtesy samosas and vada pavs that I was stuffing. Anyway, my seat was changed as I was blocking view of students sitting behind me. That's how I landed next to my BFF and her gang. X-BFF. Let's call her SC.

First it was awkward. I missed my old place and old bench partners. (Can't call them friends as they weren't.)

Gradually I started liking SC. Soon a lot. Wasn't fond of her gang though. They were too blah or bitchy. So yeah, I was getting close to SC. (FYI. This isn't a lesbian story. Just a pure straight friendship story. LOL! )

Here's the thing about me. I was introverted, painfully shy, needy, good-for-nothing, and insignificant in school. No one noticed me. Not much has changed even now. I am still all of that except, I am not needy (of friends) anymore, a lot more confident and I have discovered that I am good at few things.

But I was and still I am - sincere about my feelings. I like you - I will let you know that. I dislike you - I will let you know that too. Through my words, expressions, gestures, behaviour, action. Through all means, I will let you know that I care for you or don't. Also, I get attached very fast.

So I made it very obvious that I like SC and that I want us to be best-friends. I got deeply attached to her. I thought she felt the same way. 

Until...

Cut to - school picnic announcement. I was very excited. SC, the gang, me, amusement park, rides! Yay!! 

Sadly, the excitement didn't last for long. 

Growing apart...

She and the gang told me they won't be going to the picnic for whatever reasons. I was heartbroken. Never in my life have I (or any kid for that matter) missed a school picnic. It is the biggest highlight of anyone's academic year.    

So naturally I was sad. But I decided not to go. For two reasons: A) I didn't wanted to go without my friends, B) How can I enjoy when SC won't get to enjoy?

Cut to - School day after picnic break. I hear few classmates laughing and talking about some funny incident that happened in the park. I hear SC's name. Just to be sure, I ask the girls what are they talking about. They narrate the incident to me and laugh again. It was about how SC slipped near the pool and fell. Pool!

Yes, SC and the gang went to the picnic! Without me. They lied to me. They went behind my back, paid the fees and pretended to be sad. 

I don't remember being angry. Anyone who knows me now will think 'Anger' would have been my first reaction after I discovered the lie. LOL! But no, I wasn't angry. That day is stamped in my brain. So I am sure. 

I remember feeling hurt, humiliated, and rejected. To think that someone who I want to be friends with can cook such a lie just to keep me away. And how confident were they that I won't go either if they won't. That's how transparent I was I guess. :D It baffled me how a bunch of 11 year olds had the ability to play such tricks. I wouldn't have figured it all out if not for those classmates. 

Later SC blamed the other girls for it. She said, they didn't wanted me around so she had to be part of this plan. I don't remember she apologizing for it though. I believed her. The gang drifted apart. Me and SC became inseparable thereafter.  

I wish I knew then we shouldn't have been friends. As 17 years later, I ended the friendship. Because she lied. For the 10000th time. I ignored her 9999 lies and believed that as we grow older & wiser, she'll realize the importance of being honest in close relationships. That a small lie can break trust and ruin a beautiful relationship. When I confronted her with facts, she lied some more. Complete denial. 

I decided I had enough. BFFs aren't supposed to lie to each other. They are supposed to be honest - show their ugly, selfish, loving, weak, vulnerable, caring, protective, mean, shallow, deep, dark side to each other. But not lie.

I realize now our core personality is different. That picnic incident was an indicator of that. She has no problem lying and then denying all. On the other hand I am the complete opposite. Our core is very very different. She loves bling and I run away from it - that difference is acceptable. But our values, ethics and principles differ too, which is why it's hard to stay together. 

It's sad. We think people change, but I guess the core personality doesn't. 

  

She is a nice person with a good heart. We had some really good times together. Times that I think about and laugh till tears trickle down my face. But lying is a deal-breaker. What's a relationship without complete trust? Such a waste of 17 years of my and her life. 

I wish her well. I hope we find our kind of friends.



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